Charity = Christ

I have always loved learning about charity, but it has also been a difficult thing for me to conceptualize.  I know what charity feels like, and what it looks like, but I can never say exactly what it is.  However, when Brother Griffin told us today to replace "charity" with "Christ," everything made so much more sense.  I now know exactly how to explain what charity is.  Charity is Christ.
We read in Moroni 7:45:
"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, and seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."
We replaced the word charity with "Christ" and it was so beautiful!
I wanted to elaborate more on a few of the things I learned.
Christ suffereth long, and is kind--
This one really stuck out to me.  It showed that Christ was always kind and service-minded, even when He was just finishing trials or enduring hard things. For example, He healed the man's ear after suffering through the Atonement and He washed His disciples' feet after hearing that He would be betrayed.  If I put myself in those scenarios, I would just want to give up on life if those trials happened to me.  I would selfishly want to wallow in self-pity.  However, when Christ has to endure hard things, He always turns to helping others.  That really is the most beautiful example of charity.
Christ envieth not, and is not puffed up--
To me, both of those things sounds like sins of comparison a.k.a. pride.  To not envy or to not be puffed up is to be humble.  Christ is the ultimate example of humility and I aspire to develop that quality.  I learned that it doesn't matter what I am like compared to others.  It only matters what I am like compared to the Lord.
Christ seeketh not [His] own, is not easily provoked--
When it says that He seeketh not His own, it means that He spends time with people who don't love Him even though He loves them.  I think that is such a hard thing to do.  It is easy to love people who treat you with respect and kindness, but it is hard to show compassion towards people who do not return the feelings. Further, Christ is not easily provoked.  Even when people were abusing Him and being so rude, He never retaliated but instead showed peace and forgiveness.  I think these things will be difficult on my mission.  People will not always treat the missionaries with respect and kindness, but I still need to love them and show them charity.  I am so grateful for Christ and His perfect example.

Sacrament

I enjoyed studying the sacrament prayers this week in class.  They are found in Moroni  4 and 5.  It was interesting because Brother Griffin mentioned how they are repeated so often.  They are probably the scriptures we hear the most because we hear them on a weekly basis at church and we always make sure they are read word-for-word.  Then Brother Griffin said that he thinks those are Heavenly Father's favorite scriptures.  If Heavenly Father had a favorite scripture, He would want us to hear it often and hear it exactly how He wrote it.  That really put the sacrament prayers in a new light for me.
We then talked about how it is important that the bread comes first.  There is bitterness in life that can be eased by the sacrament.  However, when you drink something bitter and then drink water after it, it becomes more bitter.  When you eat bread before you drink water, the bitterness gets sucked out and then the water can cleanse.  I thought that was very symbolic and made me grateful that I have the opportunity to partake of the sacrament every week.  Life is less bitter and easier when I have the chance to reflect on what the Savior has done for me.
I used to not understand the sacrament as well, but now I am so grateful for the chance to renew my baptismal covenants every week.  We learned that the baptismal covenant is external.  Everyone can see that we are getting baptized.  However, the renewal of the covenant is an internal and very personal procedure.  I love that the sacrament is a time for me to ponder and reflect.  It is a time when I am personally able to make goals and covenants with the help of my Savior.  It is a time that really does bring me peace.
I have a testimony that as we do the things listed in the sacrament prayers, we truly will receive the blessings listed as well.  We may have His Spirit to be with us, which is the greatest gift imaginable.  I am grateful that Heavenly Father has provided us with the sacrament because I know it is an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

Testimony

The readings this week, along with the talks given at General Conference, have caused me to think so much about my testimony.  We read in Ether 4:4:

"And in the mouth of three witnesses shall these things be established; and the testimony of three, and this work, in the which shall be shown forth the power of God and also his word, of which the Father  and the Son, and the Holy Ghost bear record--and all this shall stand as a testimony against the world at the last day."

This talks about the 3 witnesses of the gospel-the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.  The fact that these 3 divine beings stand as witnesses of the Church alone leads me to believe that it is true.  However, even though other amazing people may bear testimony of the truth of the gospel, it is up to me to find out for myself if I really know it is the living church on the earth today.  Brother Griffin said that the most important testimony is my own.  That really hit me hard because I felt like my testimony may be inadequate when compared with others' testimonies.

President Holland gave an amazing talk at Conference this weekend that really got me thinking about my faith.  The talk is not in print yet, so I am unable to quote it exactly, but I would like to mention some of the principles mentioned.  I realized during his talk that there are so many things about the gospel that I do not know.  Sometimes, that can make my small and simple testimony seem insignificant and unimportant.  If I do not know everything, than the church must not be true.  However, I realized that this is not the case.  I need to cleave onto the things that I DO know and use them as reason alone to stand convicted in what I believe.  Those things that I know for sure should serve as a shield against the ways of the world, and when I am tempted to have doubts or concerns about my testimony, I should remember that I have precious truths that I can never go against.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have my own testimony.  Though it may be small and I do not know of the truth of all things, it is something that I can claim for myself.  It is something that I have gained through those trying experiences that bring me to my knees.  My testimony is my rock.  I need to never let go to the things that I know to be true.  I need to develop the things that I believe, and I need to believe the things that I may doubt.  I am so grateful for a church that encourages us to be curious and inquisitive, and I am grateful that I do not have to have a perfect testimony to go on a mission or serve in church callings or even be baptized.  I would like to bear my testimony of the things that I know to be true.

I know that this gospel is the same gospel that Christ established when He came to this earth.  Following it's teachings it the only way to grow closer to Him, and that is my greatest desire.  I want to live with Christ and my Heavenly Father again.  I know that the priesthood is restored on the Earth today.  It is powerful and, when handled with care, can bring about mighty miracles.  I know that Joseph Smith restored the church.  Joseph Smith was an instrument in God's hands and I am grateful for his conviction and his tireless work.  I know that the power of prayer is real.  God loves to hear from me.  I know that Christ performed the Atonement for me individually.  I don't understand it, but I know that I was in His thoughts when He was suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He is my best friend.  I say these things in His name, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

I Can Become Strong Through the Lord

I am going on a mission on April 24th which is really coming soon!  As excited as I am, I can't help but have some days where I am filled with doubts.  I doubt my ability to learn a new language and live in a new country.  I get down on myself when I think of the amount of courage and persistence that a mission takes.  I start to have deep feelings of inadequacy and I start to feel severely unprepared.
However, I felt so much peace and reassurance when I read from the book of Mormon this week.  In 4 Nephi, Ammaron is looking for someone to give the plates to.  He settles on giving them to Mormon.  This is shocking, though, as Mormon is only 10 years old!  I can't even imagine.  I have a little brother that's 14 and that seems way too young--10 is just crazy!  However, Mormon was mature, learned, and had a testimony of Christ.  He had these amazing qualities that God worked with.  Heavenly Father shaped Mormon into the instrument God needed Mormon to be.  Mormon, at 10, didn't have every quality he needed to be so imperative in the coming forth of the Book of Mormon.  However, he had the desire to be a man of God.  He knew what he needed to become and he let the power of God change him.
This is so reassuring to me.  I think I have a few qualities that will help me be a good missionary.  However, there is SO MUCH that I need to learn and I know I am not even close to being the missionary Heavenly Father needs me to be.  As I come to Him, though, and give Him all that I have, Heavenly Father will work with me and help me grow.  He will be patient with me and help me grow into my potential.
I know that when I go to Brazil, there will be times when I feel like a measly 10 year old.  There will be times when I just don't know what to say, or when I am so exhausted, but I can't let those feelings drive me to inadequacy.  Though I may feel unqualified, I need to remember that Heavenly Father trusts His children with amazing things.  I know He has a plan for me to become someone great.  I am so excited to serve Him so soon.  I hope I can emulate the qualities of Mormon as I serve as a missionary.  Heavenly Father, through the healing power of Christ and the Atonement, helps people become more amazing than they ever though possible.